born on the lick of a solar flare
spat across the reaches
to reach us.
Thudding into the inertia of our lives
a searing streak of change.He pulsed
an ember glowing
rose petal opening
unfolding naked and awakened.
We gathered
the multitudes of disavowed and
disaffected
collected by the after image of his journey
seared into our retinas.
When he spoke at last
it was a song of luminosity
tinder words brittle and flaring.
His invective devoured
those of us who stood too close
and would be consumed.
We became
the song of the flames need
a congregation of conflagration.
He told us
of incandescence
and how it was
to be the son
of the sun.
And we burned for him.
11 comments:
this is very powerful stuff. lovely use of language.
Is the last line too trite?
It sounds a little trite to me, it gives the effect I want, but its too cliche or something....
hmm, now that's interesting ... when I click on the reply button and then click to show original post your linebreaks completely change, so now I'm wondering which are the linebreaks you intended?
This is what I see at the moment in the 'show original post' box:
He was
born on the lick of a solar flare
spat across the reaches
to reach us.
Thudding into the inertia of our lives a searing streak of change.
He pulsed an ember glowing rose petal opening unfolding naked and awakened.
We gathered the multitudes of disavowed and disaffected collected by the after image of his journey seared into our retinas.
When he spoke at last it was a song of luminosity tinder words brittle and flaring.
His invective devoured those of us who stood too close and would be consumed.
We became the song of the flames need a congregation of conflagration.
He told us of incandescence and how it was to be the son of the sun.
And we burned for him.
and this is what I see on the blog:
Sun Boy
He was if !supportLineBreakNewLine
endif
born on the lick of a solar flare
spat across the reaches
to reach us.
Thudding into the inertia of our lives
a searing streak of change.
He pulsed
an ember glowing
rose petal opening
unfolding naked and awakened.
We gathered
the multitudes of disavowed and
disaffected
collected by the after image of his journey
seared into our retinas.
When he spoke at last
it was a song of luminosity
tinder words brittle and flaring.
His invective devoured
those of us who stood too close
and would be consumed.
We became
the song of the flames need
a congregation of conflagration.
He told us
of incandescence
and how it was
to be the son
of the sun.
And we burned for him.
and a lot of your posts come up with this: ***if !supportLineBreakNewLine****endif***
(have to alter the tags cos it won't post the HTML markers)
on the beginning and end of them.
Maybe some sort of glitch with the blog system, or maybe you have a Mac computer? I've noticed they sometimes display differently.
Like the poem of mine a while ago, and you commented about the lines that were set in from the margin. They look fine on my computer, so I wonder what you see on yours?
As for the last line ... hmm, tough call. I know what you mean about the familiarity or whatever, but it does seem like the right line doesn't it?
Just sit with it for a while. Something will occur to you.
I see version two here, what browser do you use?
Re the last line, thanks, good advice, I will sit on it and let it mull for a while.
This is what I see on your blog re that poem of yours Moon
We drove down the road, perhaps
picking up McDonald’s for tea
on our way somewhere, perhaps -
I forget -
but it doesn’t matter.
My children, 3 blonde boys,
lean over the back of the front seat
as I scribble a few lines waiting
for the lights to change.
‘Everything isn’t a poem Mum’
the eldest complains
and I hear in his voice:
stop
writing our lives down. Click the nib
back into your pen and pay attention to us.
Not the fat lady waiting for the bus,
or the red car whose stereo pulses the street.
He has his fingertip poised
on the mother-guilt button.
I want to put down my pen
but the long rows of trees
marshalled inside my head whisper
through their fir-finger branches.
There’s no silence,
no rest.
The terrible pukekos of my dreams
rush to me pecking and smothering
with their loathsome feathers
as I sit on the road
unable to rise.
Words trip, tumble, stumble –
so loud in my head
they clamour for the needle’s eye,
plastic tube of ink,
that feeds the paper.
hmm, I see. That's not how it looks to me.
I use Explorer browser and occasionally Firefox. It looks like it's supposed to on both of those.
How weird. Bloody technology!
I need to change browsers lol
I am a throw back
a cyber neanderthal
an internetting caveman
a browser Dinosaur
What on earth are you using?
By the way, I applied for a job as a writer ... writing training manuals for caregivers in the field of aged and dementia care.
I did the interview yesterday and it went well enough I think. Now I have to wait and see if I get a second interview.
I feel a bit anxious about doing something so different. Especially after the teaching fiasco.
But I would like to at least TRY to do this. It would be good to write for a living, even if it's only training manuals, lol.
Writing training manuals, wow, that is quite a change of direction, but as you say, it is still writing.
I will, as always, cross assorted fingers and toes for you, and send a wish fairy leaping to the moon for you, it is the lest I can do *grins*
I STILL think you would have made a most excellent teacher dear, but I shall never mention it again *sighs deeply* lol.
I use Netscape, out of date and all that I know lol.
Ill download firefox again, and try it out , again, Im not big on change *grin*
ooo, yeah ... if you have a choice, I wouldn't reccommend firefox. I know it's supposed to be much safer to use but I find it very slow and unweildy and still revert to Explorer when I'm in a hurry or get impatient, lol, which is all the time!
Still, my nerd son swears by Firefox, so if you have no choice, go for it I guess.
mmm, a real shame about the teaching thing. I'm just too lacking in confidence, too shy, to stand up in front of a classroom. And I really think I'm too private a person for that you know?
I don't really like to share myself with lots of people all the time.
Is that selfish?
Selfish
no, not selfish mate, just....a shame I guess, because you have so much to give.
But lets face it, if its not for you, its not for you, who am I to say, stand up in front of a class everyday ?? thats not fair, I wouldnt do it myself, how could I expect you to do it *smile*
No, i do understand mate, truly
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